Brooke's Thoughts

2009-02-19T07:55:00.001-06:00

Check this page out and please let me know what you think. One comment from me....I didn't know that the debate was over...

2007-08-23T23:13:00.000-05:00

There's a lot on my mind but I'm exhausted so I don't know how much will be here LOL

NAACP things that the NFL shouldn't ban Michael Vick. Are they stupid? He doesn't deserve to be paid millions after killing dogs. He can try to get a job somewhere else. They should be looking at what it looks like for 'their' people.

50 Cent Says he'll retire if Kayne West sells more records Sept 11 when they both come out with their new albums. Well...buy 50 Cent's!!! Kanye's new single SUCKS!! It's so annoying. And I just like Fiddy!

2007-07-19T05:53:00.000-05:00

I see that it's almost six am. I'm not a morning person. I like my sleep as much as I can get it. Yes I AM one of those people that will sleep their life away because it feels good. I'm up because my teeth/gums/jaw hurts. I borrowed something that is finally helping. So I've taken 2 arthris tylenol, 3 ibubrofen, and 2 of the borrowed stuff. Finally it's working. I want to sleep. IF I go to sleep now I can get an hour and a half. I've got to take my dad to his regular doctor and then to chemo. I'm going to ask about antidepressants for my dad. Maybe I can slip me in. We'll see.

2007-07-02T22:42:00.000-05:00

Never ever have the thought 'It can't get any worse' cause trust me it so can. Things just seem to get worse and worse here. Today I had to go home from work because I was so sick. It was just stress. I rested and I feel better but not good. I can't sleep or eat too much. Today my appitite came back for a little bit but I'm to the point if it's trouble I don't want to do it. I feel so crappy for somethings I think. Like earlier I was on the potty and my dad was yelling for me. I kept saying to wait but he couldn't hear me. I hurried up and went to him. I told him how sad it is that even on the pot I can't get peace. I didn't mean it bad but it WAS ironic.

Everynight is the same thing. I'm either home or I get off work and bring him milk, his insulin, undies, diaper, socks, shirt and pants. Every night. I have to make sure he has meds. Check any to see if I need to call them in. It's routine. He can't go anywhere overnight alone. He knows that. What I hate is that Brooke and Daddy time has suffered. I'm closer to my dad that most kids and I value that. I told him tonight that tomorrow night before bed we are watching a movie or show together. Just to chill.

Cross Posted to canceraffects.blogspot.com

2007-05-28T22:32:00.000-05:00

Mother's Day has passed. My bestfriend was her that weekend and it made things better. I generally hate mother's day. Maybe that will change when I am one. My mother hasn't ever cared for me and I guess I really hate her for that. I know I know I shouldn't hate but you have no idea what she has done to me. I was listening to Kellie Pickler (yes I know) and her new single 'I Wonder' makes me cry. This set really hits home

I think about how it ain’t fair that you weren’t there to braid my hair like mothers do
You weren’t around to cheer me on
Help me dress for my high school prom like mother’s do
Did you think I didn’t need you here to hold my hand, to dry my

There were a couple of things she was there for. I'll give her that. Even graduation. I had six tickets and gave her three. She and my two cousins came. But the whole time I was up there I was watching my dad. He cried. She didn't. In my year book I said 'This is for you Dad' Not mom. She didn't help me. She just wanted to be there in the happy moments.

I remember her taking me to her high school reuion (she didn't graduate so I was like huh?) Anyway. It was her twentieth. I was sixteen. She was parading me around in OUR hometown. She introduced me as her daughter Brooke (No last name) and they were like aren't you Wynne's daughter. I about died laughing. I was like yeah. They started asking about him and asked if one of his brothers was there and on and on. It so pissed her off. People here KNOW my dad raised me. They know he did it alone. She wanted to pretend she did. She even told peole she helped us when we needed it. She never did. She promised shoes many times for school. It got to the point my dad stopped asking. Why? She wasn't going to buy them why ask. She'd rather blow her money on...blow or pot than me.

I can't wait for father's day. I have my dad another year thank GOD and I get to celebrate him!!

2007-05-24T01:06:00.001-05:00

You Are 49% Pure

You're not so innocent... in fact, you're quite unpure.You have seen and experienced a lot. And you're no worse for the wear!

http://www.blogthings.com/the100questionpuritytest/"> The 100 Question Purity Test

2007-04-10T04:01:00.000-05:00

There comes a day in everyone's life where you feel like your world stops spinning. I thought that was four years ago when my dad told me he had cancer. I would gladly take that feeling back. April 2003 we found out he had prostate cancer. Things just went downhill that year. We found out how bad it was then he has a heart attack.

Good Friday. What is good about it? Jesus died for all of us. He gave himself so we wouldn't have to suffer. Suffering...Father Jeff Perot talked about that Tuesday. I had no idea what that word would come to mean three days later. Jesus died so we could live. Live on with him in Heaven. He felt so alone up on the cross in the end. He felt like his father had abandonded him. I am trying my hardest not to feel that way.

My dad went to the doctor on Thursday and she was concerned because he'd lost 30-40 pounds since October, he looked pale and hurt so much. He had a bone scan Friday.

He called afterward and said he was going to his parents' I knew something was up but I had no idea what it was. He came home and told me that found spots on his scan. Spots. Spots. A simple word but it tore me apart. I have cried everyday because of it. I don't know how to feel or what to do. My dad could be here a few months or a few years but not long enough.

I want my dad to walk me down the aisle when I ever get married. I can't imagine him not being there. Anyone that knows me knows that he's raised me alone all my life. My mother never cared to be there for me and he took both roles and loved me more than any other dad could. I haven't even forgiven my mother for leaving me, for not loving me. I don't know how to not be angry with God for taking my father too.

I'm twenty-six. My biggest fear has always been that I'd loose my dad early in life and it would affect me like it did my mother. I'm sure that if my Grandfather had been around now she'd be different and he's something great to me. He died when I was 1 1/2. My future children most likley won't know their grandpa. Why is this way? Why?

I was always under the belief that God won't give you more than you can handle but I just don't know if I belive that. I've gotten so close to a nervous breakdown latley and then this. If he's gone I have no one. No one that knows my deep dark secrets and loves me spite them. No one that leads me. No that tells me that prayer helps even when he's not sure.

I'm scared to loose my leader. My father, my best friend. I am fighting so bad to not be angry with God. I want to hate him. I want to scream out. I don't know how long I can fight this.

I'm going to try to sleep. I haven't slept since. Well atleast not much.

2007-04-01T22:50:00.000-05:00

1. What time did you get up this morning?
8am!

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds. I have my engagement ring picked out...just need the man to buy it.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
The Nativity when I went with church

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Daytime- ABC Soaps, Nightime-Criminal Minds

5. What did you have for breakfast?
Nothing

6. What is your middle name?
Brooke (hehe)

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Seafood

8. What foods do you dislike?
Green stuff that smells (broccolli)

9. What are your favorite chips?
Funyuns

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
lily allen

11. What kind of car do you drive?
Neissan Sentra

12. Favorite sandwich?
Ham and cheese

13. What are characteristics you can’t stand?
lying

14. What are your favorite clothes?
jeans, t-shirt and flip flops

15. If you could go anywhere on vacation where would you go?
Prague

Where is sixteen?

17. Where would you want to retire?
Prague

18. Favorite time of day?
midnight

19. Where were you born?
M-Dub, Texas

20. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Basketball

21. Coke or Pepsi?
Dr Pepper

22. Beavers or ducks?
Ducks

23. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Night Owl

24. Pedicure or manicure?
Pedicure

25. What did you want to be when you were little?
Teacher

26. What is your best childhood memory?
Any with my daddy

27. Ever been to Africa?
I'd like to

28. Ever been toilet papering?
Yes yes yes

29. Been in a car accident?
Yes

30. Favorite day of the week?
Thursdays

31. Favorite restaurant?
Anywhere that has tacos lol

32. Favorite flower?
Daisies

33. Favorite ice-cream?
Chocolate

34. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Taco Casa

35. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?
None

36. From whom did you get your last e-mail?
A list

37. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Target

38. Last person you went to dinner with?
dad

39. What are you listening to right now?
Cold Case

40. What is your favorite color?
Pink

41. How many tattoos do you have?
none

42. How many are you sending this Email to?
my blog..

43. What time did you finish this e-mail blog entry?
11pm

44. Favorite magazine:
Cosmo

45. Coffee or tea?
Tea

46. Do you tan easily or burn easily?
Burn...with this fair skin!!

47. Do you color your hair? If so, how often?
Yes Dark Brown

48. What was the first car you ever purchased without the help of your parents?
None really...

49. What is your most dreaded household chore?
cleaning anything

50 Who do you tag to complete this meme?
Anyone

2007-03-26T22:34:00.000-06:00

April is about to start and the after come May Sweeps. Then three LONG months of wonderment. Some we'll find out quickly. Some we KNOW. But I'm looking at Kristin at E!Online at who she thinks is in trouble. She is doing Save Our Show again where you vote on shows.

Vote with Kristin
You can also see what she things on the shows I'm talking about here.

She says these are looking safe:
30 Rock: I tried to watch this show but was annoyed. Alec Baldwin should go back to movies. Or not. But he shouldn't be doing TV. I just CANNOT get into this show and refused to watch more than one 10 min scene.
Friday Night Lights: This is really a great show. I couldn't watch it due to time conflicts but when I did I really liked it.
Scrubs: Very good show. Don't like it but it's very well written and should be renewed.

She says now these are looking uncertain:
Crossing Jordan: This one just pissed me off. They moved CJ to Sunday and now to Wed (Against OTH and Criminal Minds) I'm not happy at all!! They didn't bring it back until midseason so that was bad enough. But this season has been great!!! I love this show. And its just getting better and better.
Gilmore Girls: This show is way way over. It's old and old. Get out while...well just get out.
How I Met Your Mother: This show is SOO funny!! Its one of the best comedies that CBS has.
Jericho: I've heard nothing but good things about this show. I haven't watched but I'm sure it's great.
Medium: I liked this when it first came on but it got old quickly. Same story almost very week. Get out!
One Tree Hill: I love the show. Anyone that knows me knows I love it!! But I dunno. The writers have MAJORLY screwed it up. And I don't know that I'm excited for them to SKIP four years between seasons.
Six Degrees: Is this show still on?
Supernatural: Good show. Bad timeslot.
What About Brian: What ABOUT Brian? Stupid stupid show.

These she says are looking doomed:
The Class: Funny as hell!! This should totally be renewed. CBS wouldn't be the same.
Close to Home: Had it's moments but it's old.
The Nine: Like Six Degrees. Is this show still on?
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: As much as I love Matthew Perry this show is awful. A train wreck. Bad Bad Bad.
Veronica Mars: Good show on crappy network.

My personal opinion on networks:
CBS is getting better and better. Good comedies and good drama's.
ABC is awful. I think the only show I can watch is Grey's and I'm not excited about the WAY WAY TOO SOON spin off.
NBC is wonderful but if they get rid of Law & Order I will be pissed!!! They have a great mix of dramas with crappy comedies.
CW is awful. OTH is the only good thing.
FOX is rediculous!

2007-03-20T23:44:00.000-06:00

The KKK held a raly to support Tarleton State University students who were chastized for having a party on Martin Luther King Jr's birthday. The party had students (Off campus mind you) dressed up as Aunt Jamima, eating fried chicken and such. The KKK says its a part of the first amendment and the school should stay out of it.

I have to agree. It was off campus and they have no right to do anything.

KKK article

Article about the TSU students party

TSU President's Letter about the incident

The funny thing is. This has been going on for 30 years or so. I didn't get invited when I was at TSU. I feel sad about that. It's all in fun. Things happen and this wasn't the only school that this happened at. They have a right to live the way they want as long as it doesn't brake any laws and this didn't.

2007-03-09T14:04:00.000-06:00

Friday Feast

Appetizer
What is your usual bedtime? Do you like that, or would you rather it be different?
Usually when ever I can fall asleep. I'd like to sleep earlier. I should be taking melatonin.

Soup
When it comes to advice, do you give more or receive more?
About equal. I give a lot to kids and I get alot from people older.

Salad
Describe a memorable meal you've had.
Birthday meals when my dad made shrimp etouffee. One birthday. I think my 19th. I had to shell all the shrimp myself because it was after my dad's finger accident. It was fun to help him though.

Main Course
Name a work of fiction that affected the way you think about something.
Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. I can look at others and know they may be just like me. She didn't. She couldn't accept what was wrong and it was the end of her. In the book and real life.

Dessert
What is your favorite type of fruit juice?
Cran-grape. I could drink that til I burst. I drank it a lot as a kid but as an adult I love it.

2007-01-30T21:10:00.000-06:00

This is so rediculous.

Merck pushing law forcing girls as young as 11 and 12 to have shot against HPV.

DUH! Merck wants that because they will FORCE people to buy thier product. NO ONE should ever ever be forced to be sorta immunized for cancer. It can't immunize you 100% and it's for cancer. It's not like the woman/GIRL can spread it. She can only get HPV from a man. And only through sex. I DO NOT think that doing so will cause teen girls to have sex. That happens anyway. I just really think a drug company lobbying to have a immunization forced upon girls is just rediculous. It's unethical. It's ONLY for profit. That's what drug companies are for!

2007-01-30T14:32:00.000-06:00

If anyone is in the Palo Pinto County Area and intersted in helping out with The Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society let me know! I am also collecting donations as well. Leave me a comment or email me at redboomkat@yahoo.com and I'll meet up with you. I am doing this in honor of My Father who has been battling Prostate Cancer for almost four years now. Thanks for all your help

The relay will be at the high school track on April 27, 2007 at 7pm!

2007-01-30T14:11:00.001-06:00

You've Changed 52% in 10 Years

You've done a good job changing with the times, but deep down, you're still the same person.You're clothes, job, and friends may have changed some - but it hasn't changed you.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howmuchhaveyouchangedin10yearsquiz/">How Much Have You Changed in 10 Years?

2007-01-30T13:39:00.000-06:00

Friday's Feast

Appetizer
Choose one: Popcorn, Pizza, Pretzels, Peanuts, or Pasta.
Of course Pasta...

Soup
Describe your personality in terms of a particular vehicle.
I'd have to say I'm a Ford F-250. I may be a tad large and a tad annoying but I'll do my best to get the job done.

Salad
If you won a shopping spree, from which store would you want it to be?
Bath and Body Works. I could have so much. Bath gels, bath salts, makeup, candles, and on and on.

Main Course
Which television re-runs to you enjoy watching?
Any one I know could answer this for me. I love watching Friends. I have seen every eppy atleast five times!

Dessert
If you could look in the future, how far down the road would you like to see? 10 years? 100 years? A million?
Personally none. God has a plan for me and mine and he'll reveal it in due time. I want to be surprised so my emotions are genuine.

2007-01-25T21:07:00.000-06:00

1. As a child, what did you always say you wanted to be when you grew up?
I always wanted to be a teacher like my grandma. She was so happy teaching kids and I thought that would be neat

2. If you had to choose one thing that you've always dreamed of doing, what would it be? What is stopping you?
I had recently realized all my dreams in one. I always wanted to do Psychology. But something special. I wnat to be a Criminology in some sort maybe working for the FBI. Right now money is standing in my way. I need money to get back to school then I can get my grades back up and get on a federal grant again

3. Who is your biggest fan? Who is always encouraging you to be all that you can be?
My daddy always thought I could do anything. He belived in me without pushing me like some parents. Now he still does. He is so sure I can do whatever I want. I'm so afraid of not having him physically there. But he'll always been cheering for me in heaven.

4. What bible study or book (besides the obvious-the Bible) has most impacted your life to date?Truthfully I can't recall a bible study that really impacted me beside just reading. But the book that hit me and I remember so much is "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath

5. When are you the happiest? I think when I finally get everything together and get to teach and lead my 5th and 6th graders in Sunday School.

2007-01-25T20:10:00.000-06:00

Rules: Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following…They must be REAL places, names, things…NOTHING made up! If you can’t think of anything, skip it. Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN’T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

PEBBLE

1. Famous Athlete: Picabo
2. 4 letter word: park, punt, pans
3. Street name: Park Dr
4. Color: purple
5. Gifts/presents: popcorn tin
6. Vehicles: Pick Up
7. Tropical Locations: Portugal
8. College Majors: Political Science
9. Dairy Products:
10. Things in a Souvenir Shop: pencil
11. Boy Name: Peter, Paul
12. Girl Name: Patricia, Peggy
13. Movie Titles: Pinocco
14. Alcohol: Peach Schnops
15. Occupations: policeman
16. Flowers: Pussy Willow
17. Celebrities: Piper Perabo
18. Magazines: Playstation
19. U.S. Cities: Palo Pinto
20. Pro Sports Teams: Philidephia 76rs
21. Something Found in a kitchen: pot!
22. Reason for Being Late: peed in pants :)
23. Something You Throw Away: pens
24 Things You Shout: Pebbles In the road!!
25. Cartoon Character: Pebbles Flinstone

2007-01-24T00:36:00.000-06:00

My sister's birthday is tomorrow...Jan 25. She'll be spending it in jail. Like she did Christmas and New Years. I wrote her a letter finally and like I told her I still really want to think of her as thirteen and annoying as hell. We were so close. We always knew when something was up. After she was about sixteen I had to push the feeling out because it was coming all the time. When I went to her husband's funeral last year I could feel her pain when she looked at me. I hear twins say this stuff. I don't know like how to explain it. It's really neat but sometimes it's like I hurt and can't do anything about it. We are only half sisters. I hope that she's getting her shit together in there. Unless something changes her release date is 1/27/2008. She says she's not coming back here because of the horible meth problem we have and that's a good start. My cousin. Her...brother...long story...is in jail for drugs, he lived here too. My other cousin has served time for manufacturing. He tried living here but it was too hard.
My mother. She's a whole case herself. If you live here and read the papers you saw when she was raided by the swat team TWICE! She had the nerve to say she was 75 percent sure she was not guilty. My dad STILL thinks it's funny. It kinda is though. Because she had a clean record for over twenty years and the crap ass cop was being investigated for missconduct on other cases as well as hers they gave her probation. She should have had jail time because he hasn't done shit. I know I'm going on and on and on but I just have to say all this. She came to a family even tanked...she had was tripping off her ass on crank. I've never been so furious in my whole life. I did fine. I told one of her brothers to watch her. My dad wasn't happy cause she talked to him. He hates talking to her like that. By the way if you don't know they've been divorced for like....23 years now! He's still like a member of thier family. My uncle called him his brother in law the other day. What else do you call him? He cares for my mother's family. Well my side is hurting. I'll talk or rant more later

2007-01-22T22:58:00.000-06:00

Friday Feast
I'm doing on Monday though LOL

Appetizer
Which television shows do you just refuse to miss?
Dirt, Numb3rs, Law and Order SVU, Criminal Minds, CSI: Miami, NCIS--I know I'm sad LOL

Soup
Who did you last speak to on the telephone?
I had to tell my dad about the sportscaster on Channel 8 talking about Parcells gone. It related it to the Wizard of Oz....Jerry Jones was The Scarecrow...TO was the Tin Man...and then when he said atleast Parcells is gone they played "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead!" I knew He'd love.

Salad
How many Pillows do you keep on your bed?
Right now just two. If I could afford it I would have replaced a couple others. Right now just two.

Main Course
Name one addition to your computer (software, hardware, ect.) that you'd love to have.
More memory.

Dessert
What is your favorite foreign food?
Tirimisu...

2007-01-22T22:45:00.000-06:00

I'm 26!!!
My dad told me tonight he thought I was 27! Wasn't he there?? I mean my mom was and she probaly doesn't know but she has...issues. I told him no...I said what year is it...2007....I asked what year was I born...he said 1980!!! I was like NO!! He was like oh yeah. I was like dude it's not hard. I'm the same age 359 days...51 weeks of the year. The first week I'm one age then I'm another for the rest!!
I had to bring up the last time that happened. The whole year, or most of it, I was 21 he told people I was 22. I reminded him SEVERAL times. He knows im sensitive about my age. This time he made me 3 years to 30!!! AH!!! not ready!

2007-01-17T00:54:00.000-06:00

Do you think Crime Drama's are good? Do they give criminals ideas? Or give regular people the tools to be criminals?

I love my crime drama's but I think a disturbed person watching them could be harmful. They might take something to far. A regular person that knows right from wrong wouldn't have problems. What do you think?

2007-01-17T00:43:00.000-06:00

Shannon tagged me for this meme.

So here's what you do:

1) Find the nearest book
2) Open to page 123
3) Type lines 6-8 of said book
4) Tag three others

'I know-and yet it has always seemed so safe and familiar. What can I do now? I plan was to leave the Shire secretly, and make my way to Rivendell; bt not my...

So anyone that reads this is tagged!!

2007-01-13T00:50:00.000-06:00

I haven't written in a little bit. Nothing too much has happened. I turned twenty-six Sunday. My dad was older a few hours ago. Right now I'm watching 1 vs 100 and trying to fight my cat as she wants to lay between my arms. Now she walked across them when she COULD have gone behind. I love my little girl. For the past month or so she won't leave my side when I'm home and I really love it. She makes me feel so special. It doesn't seem much but it really is to me.

My knees are both bothering me so much. I know the cold has something to do with it but I just wish the would stop. I know its arthritis now. I'm sure of it with the swelling and constant pain. Advil doesn't work anymore. Tomorrow I'm going to try the Tylenol Arthritis. It claims it will work all day. We'll see!

My dad went to the oncologist Thursday. His PSA was only up about one point so that's so much better and the doctor doesn't want to see him for two months as opposted to one month. I'm excited. So far he's survived four years. Our goal is a lifetime but atleast 11 because his first doctor said he didn't have patients with his diagnosis live more than ten years. He's going to be the first. I'm so sure of it. Though I was sure he didn't have cancer.

He told me today something that makes me cry now. Before I was born my great-uncle was so excited to see me. He was in the hospital and my dad said he would ask if I was born yet all the time. My mom carried me for ten months so I was really late. Well he died Jan 6, 1981 and I was born Jan 7. My great-grandma, his mother, told me when i was 11 that he died so I could be born. He helped but I felt guilty. My dad said today that maybe he's the one that will die so his future grandchild can be born. That just wouldn't be fair. that's all he wants more in life is a granddaughter. I would be so...devestated. I told him that if I have a girl after he's gone I'll name her Pebble Jean for him. That's my nickname he gave me. He liked that I think. I just hope a husband I get will agree.

Well I think I'm going to cut this short and maybe check myspace.

2006-12-17T18:37:00.000-06:00

Last night, I slept: in my very own bed
2006 will be: here before I know it.
My Grandma was born: almost 80 years ago
I could eat ___ everyday: tacos from Jack In The Box
I won't marry: a short guy
If I had to move out of state, I'd go: I wouldn't but I might go to Michigan or England
I wish I hadn't: stopped school
My dad is: a pain in my butt
I hate the name: Ruth
I can currently: sit here

:: This OR That ::
-Florida or California: Cali
-Math or English: Math
-French or Spanish: Spanish
-Ocean or lake: lake
-Mexican or Chinese: Mexican
-Green or pink: pink
-Sharks or dolphins: dolphins.
-The '50s or '60s: 60's
-Tall or Short? i am short but i like tall

*.*.* Random Q's *.*.*

1. How tall is your best friend? like 5'10"
2. Can you speak another language? spanish
3. What was the name of your first crush? john b.
4. Did this person ever say they loved you? no i was like in kindergarden
5. What continent do you most want to see? Asia
6. Name two of the most handsome men, or beautiful women ever? Vin Diesel and Jacob Young
7. What's one song you've listened to today? O Come All Ye Faithful
8. Have you ever played a team sport? basketball and tennis
9. Who was your class Homecoming Queen? jill
10. What's your ideal height for the opposite sex? 5'10" or more
11. Do you know anything about your heritage? so much my dad has researched all the way back before we came to america
12. Have you ever played golf? no no no
13. What year did your mom graduate from high school? 1999
14. Would you like to change your body/looks? of course..everyone would
15. Would you name your children after someone? My dad, me/my grandmother

So...if you got this far and you want to play, let me know so I can read yours!!

2006-12-13T23:10:00.000-06:00

You Are: 60% Dog, 40% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog.You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful.And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.

Are'>http://www.blogthings.com/areyoumorecatordogquiz/">Are You More Cat or Dog?

2006-12-13T23:03:00.000-06:00

Sue tagged for a meme and I thought I'd do it.

Six Crazy Things About Me!!

1. I don't like a disorganized silverwear drawer. I can't sleep if I know it's that way.

2. I can't stand the sound when someone scratches something. Anything like the table, thier clothes...anything. It drives me nuts.

3. I won't eat onions if I can see them. I like the taste but I hate the texture.

4. At one point My sister was my cousin by law but half sister biologically.

5. My dad and I each call each other jackass....and that's a nice thing to say.

6. I only eat tick tacks in even numbers. Not more than 6 at once.

Tag you all..

2006-12-06T23:05:00.000-06:00

I just got back from seeing The Nativity and it makes me think a lot about why we celebrate Christmas.....Tell me why YOU celebrate Christmas....

2006-11-29T22:44:00.000-06:00

Everyday that I wake up I am tormented with greatfulness as well as hatred for God. It seems extreme but I'm mad that I'm alive but happy because it's one more day I'm with my dad. Monday afternoon my right hand felt numb so I stopped typing and rested. It went mostly away. The same night we played cards at the church. While playing the numbness started going again in my hand. It slowly crept up to my elbow then to my shoulder. Then I got shooting pains through my arm. I was miserable but sat through it. Then it started in my knee and went to my foot. The same side. I was a bit scared. I took some Ibuprofen but it didn't do any good.
We called my aunt that's a nurse and she said it sounded like I was hyperventalating. That is was stress. My dad has said that's what he thought it was. I took my Xanax and tried to sleep. I feel asleep at about 10:30pm and sleep pretty soundly.
Tuesday I woke up and I felt better but it was 5am! I couldn't go back to sleep. I stayed up and did some stuff and then my puppy and I fell asleep and took a nap. I went to lunch with my dad and the pains and numbness came back. So when I left I called my PCP's office and explained everything. They called back later that afternoon and he said, "It's nothing to worry about." Okay yeah that's easy for him to say. He's not miserable.
Today I felt better. I got up about 10am. I went to lunch with my dad. I chilled at the house then we got our photos taken for the church pictorial. We went to eat at CB and then went to BB to get a mouse but they were out. All day today I've felt good.

Last night I researched my symptoms. I came up with:

Acute Stress Disorder
The Symptoms are nervousness*, instability*, tachacardia (high pulse rate)*, hypertension (high blood pressure)*, parathesias (numbness)*, diaphoresis (sweating)*, flushing*, and headaches*.

The * mean I have those symptoms.

So I guess I should be happy I can see what is wrong. But what do I do? You can't erase stress from your life can you? If you can, how?

Then I read along about how you can be misdiagnosed as ASD.

With these symptoms too:
imparment or expression of persception*
reality and/or by significant social or occupational disfunction*
chronic problems with behavior and emotion*
disulisions*
auditory halluncinations*
hallucinations*

Behavioral Symptoms
loners*
personal suffering*

Emotional Symptioms
odd behavior*
difficulty to concentration*
inapproprate behavior*
agression*
violent behavior

Cognigive Symptoms
disorginized thinking*
tormented thinking*

social withdrawal*
poor personal hygine*
loss of motivation*

It sounded like I found what was wrong but when I saw what it was called I wasn't happy. I'm sure I'm over reaching but what if I'm not. My PCP doesn't listen and I haven't any money to go anywhere else. I am scared and unsure. I don't want to have Schitzophrenia.

2006-11-03T23:41:00.000-06:00

Things seem to being going down fast. I still haven't gotten a job though I'm not looking hard. Money is tight and hard to come by. I had about 600 in bills myself and my dad is trying to pay them alone. My iPod I put on ebay was bought by someone who cheated me and ebay is taking thier slow ass time fixing it. It all sucks. Tomorrow I'm going to start cleaning more. My back aches as usual but it's not getting any better and now that cramps are setting in it's going to be worse. I'm depressed, anxious and manic. I haven't felt this bad in a while but I haven't gone this long with out meds. I just keep forgettting. Either on accident or purpose. I plan to start back when I get home tonight and see how it works. Tomorrow I clean. Then I go coach basketball, then I go to the Palo Pinto Senior Contest my Grandmother is in. MY uncle is escorting her. He'll be in his dress blues. I don't think I've ever seen him dressed up in my life.

2006-10-03T23:14:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here watching Friends as my dad's dog watches me type. So much is going through my head right now. The main thing is getting my dad home. My mind won't stop so when I actually can sleep I sleep too much. I don't know what to do for either of us. He's got a doctor's appointment on Thursday so I'm hoping that we'll find out something. I can't write anymore...I don't know why. I'll post more later.

2006-09-19T20:53:00.000-05:00

Hey guys my dad is 'feeling' somewhat better. The CT showed a fracture in the hip but we aren't sure to what degree because the fracture went off of the film. They should be moving him to ft worth tomorrow under his oncologist (cancer doctor) care. I will go see him tomorrow night and see how he is. I though see him in the morning and at lunch provided he is till here. They will do a bone scan, MRI and hopefully get PT started to get him walking again. He hates depending on people though that is the way we all get unless we die young. I always thought I'd have the "Live fast, Dye young, leave a good looking courpse" mentality and thank God I've got that out. That is all due to him. Even though I know where I'm going when I die I still am not in any hurry to leave the people I love. When the time is right the time is right and it's not.

2006-09-16T00:53:00.000-05:00

Things aren't too much different. I finally broke down. I am just so pissed he has to be in this much pain and I can't do anything. He is going to get the MRI sometime Tuesday. The Doc thinks its a disk thing. We will see. He gave him some stronger med that is helping him sleep. He never asks for pain meds so you know he really hurts.

At lunch I bearly had time to eat my sandwich. I was so exhaused after work I went to sleep after taking out the dogs. I didn't wake up til 8pm! I was supposed to go see my uncle that was in from Tyler at my grandmothers. I went and got food for my dad and then went out there til 11pm. I went to Whataburger and got more food and since then I've been watching some tv and listening to music while surfing.

2006-09-14T23:25:00.000-05:00

I'm laying here in bed trying to collect my thoughts. SO much going on. I just don't know what to do. Everything seemed to come down at once in the last two weeks. I haven't gone to see my sister. I think I'm just afraid to be with her. I love her like so much but she pisses me off. When and if or whenever she gets out I'll be there for her for emotional support but I'm not given her any more money. I've bought her things and gave her money. Yes I did some...bad things with her but I didn't go too far to me. I had a problem that was my problem. I had to push people out of my life. People that I miss. If I hadn't I wouldn't have gotten through it. Guy tried to "Help" But he just wanted to help me continue it. I felt better though but there have been repercusions. Money and mind wise. I just hope and pray she can find the strength that I have. She's a Christian so she knows deep down God is with her.

As for my dad. He's getting worse. A lot worse. His PCP gave him Vicodan. It doesn't really help. It really just makes you not care. He takes 6oomg of Ibuprofen three times a day and Vicodan 5/500 every 6 hours and a couple of Flexeril as needed. Nothing is really helping. We have decided to go to the ER. But not in town. Somewere in FTW. I will be looking in my books at work to see which DRS work at which hospital and which ones are on his insurance. When I get off of work I'll take care of the animals then we'll grab some food and hit the road. Please be thinking of us. We are going to ask his PCP what he thinks but between us and our family it's all in agreement that it's the best thing. Escpecially when tomorrow is his last paid vacation day. If he misses anymore he'll be docked pay. I DO NOT get paid enough to live off of. But after we get things figured out I will probaly try to find a part time job. I don't know where I can work with the small hours I can. I have to work from 7:30am to sometimes 6pm at the office and I have to get some sleep. Some of my church obligations may have to be put off because my dad is number one. I can pray and read the bible at home but I must make sure my father is taken care of. If anyone reads this and lives in my town. If you know of a good part time job please let me know. I have a load of different skills.

Well I'm going to watch Criminal Minds and chill.

Nite Nite All

2006-09-13T23:42:00.000-05:00

Nothing new really. Dad is feeling better today. I think it's just because he didn't walk today. I took my BP after work today 139/83 and pulse 93. It's a bit better but I'm trying to destress but I have no idea how. I know one way but I need some help....any takers??

2006-09-12T21:50:00.000-05:00

Where do I begin? I guess I will start with Sunday night. Usually on Sunday night I chill and watch some eppys of WAT and CC. I did that but until almost 4am! It sucked. On Monday I went to work feeling pretty yucky. I had had chest pains the day before but it's usually anxiety. My dad was in bed all day. His hip/leg was hurting so bad over the weekend he didn't teach SS at chuch with me. Which is a big thing for him. He went to the doctor and they sent him over for x-rays. My Grandpa (his dad) had taken him but had to be home to get ready for church. My office is right by the hospital so I picked my dad up. We went to the Methodist church so I could give blood. Not because it was 9/11 but because I do all the time. Well after sitting in a hellava long line they said I couldn't give because my Pulse was 116. I just thought I was nervous. I was upset. I went to Keno and won a cup set and an anklet. I went to walmart to get something and get cash so I checked my BP the first time it was 143/93 and Pulse 120! I sat on a bench and chilled. 15 mins later it was 139/89 Pulse 116. I went home and took a Tylenol PM and went to bed. I was asleep before 10:30!! yay!! Today I had our nurse check me and it was 130/60 and Pulse 91. That's better. Went through busy day at work. Dad was at home again today. When I went out to get Advil and dinner I checked again 139/85 and Pulse 115. I am way too stressed. I think I'm going to take a Xanax in the Am and one when I get home. Maybe that will calm me down. I have too much going on to get my heart worked up.

2006-09-08T19:07:00.000-05:00

My brother-in-law who was in jail hanged himself about 10 days ago. I had so many issues with him because my sister was going down quickly. She is jail now and did get to attend the funeral. Even though they had thier problems she was destroyed. I couldn't look her in the eye more than a couple of times because ever since we were little when our eyes met we could feel what they other felt. I couldn't bear to feel her pain especially when I couldn't help her. She's in trouble and I can't help. I pray everyday but that's all I can do anymore. They played a song at his funeral that touched me. I think of a lot of people when I hear it now.

Kenny Chesney -Who You'd Be Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
See your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe your gone

(Chorus:)It ain't fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Would you see the world
Would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Someday's the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

It ain't fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Today

Today

Today

Today

Today

Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know, I'll see you again someday

Someday, someday

2006-08-26T19:09:00.000-05:00

Hey guys I need some help. I'm going to walk in the American Heart Association walk in Fort Worth but I need dontions. Read the message below and give anything you can. Even a dollar would help.

Hello,

hEveryone knows someone affected by heart disease or stroke. For those I love, I will be walking in this year’s Heart Walk. I have set a personal goal to raise funds for the American Heart Association and need your help to reach my donation goal. We are raising critical dollars for heart disease and stroke research and education. You can help me reach my goal by making a donation online. Click on the link below and you will be taken to my personal donation page where you can make a secure online credit card donation. The American Heart Association's online fundraising website has a minimum donation amount of $25.00. If you prefer to donate less, you can do so by sending a check directly to me.Your donation will help fight our nation’s No. 1 and No. 3 killers—heart disease and stroke. You are making a difference. Thank you for your support.

Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support TXA - Fort Worth, TX

2006-08-25T15:30:00.000-05:00

A vaction can be many things. For me it was a time to just get away from work and my town. I did that but not much else. We left Early Last thursday morning for Galveston. I drive the first twenty minutes and slept the rest of the way. We got there way early so I went and found a Starbucks. I got a frozen hot chocolate and went walking looking for an ATM to get cash to park. I found a Bank of America instead, it is a lot cheaper because my bank and the ATM both charge me fees. We went and dropped off our big luggage and then parked the car. We by the way is me and my wonderful father who funded this trip. We went to one line after another to board. When we had to go over from the terminal to the ship it was like WAY high up and you could see down. I really hated that. Finally we got on. We found our room and it was small but nice though. They had four different kinds of toothpastes, razors for man and woman, lotion that was for regular with a little self tanning (that is dangerous lol) and always clean towels. They made the towels each night into a different animal. It was so cute to walk in after dinner and see that.
We both took a nap. My dad was exhausted from driving and I was exhausted from telling him what to do. We got changed for dinner in the nice Wind Song dinning room. No tank tops or shorts! But I wore my flip flops. We were seated and I got to have the best looking waiter in the place. We had filet mingon for dinner. I cannot remember what else but that was so good. We went to bed very early that night.
Friday was pretty boring in a way. I wondered the ship alone looking for things and seeing what was going on. We up all the way to the top, got a little scared and went back down. The best thing about the trip was always at night when the ship rocked you to sleep.
Also most everyday I forgot to take my allergy pill but never did have a problem until Monday morning when I woke up and we were docked back in Texas.
Friday night was the captian's dinner (BTW we didn't see the captian til Sunday LOL). We both dressed up. My dad said I looked nice, I said BLAHHH, I had to wear pantyhose. I hate pantyhose.Very good dinner again.
Satuday night we were in Cozumel. We ate lunch in the main dinning hall and it was very good. We went out and went shopping. I only bought a few things nothing really caught my eye. We dropped the stuff off on the ship and went and got on a boat that drove us out (I was nauseous the whole time) to a submaire (nauseous again). We went 100+ ft below sea level. We saw the bottom of the sea and the 3,000 ft drop! It was cool but I was almost miserable. We got some good pics mosly. Saw a shark but it ran before we could take it's pic. I don't blame it, I hate getting my picture taken. When we were riding back it began raining!!! When got soaked on the way to the ship. We rested then got ready for dinner. This night we got a bottle of wine. It was okay but not great. We went to see a comedy show that night and went to bed late.
Sunday morning (Lastday!) I got up right before lunch and was grouchy. We went to lunch and then I shopped again. My dad a meeting that evening so I went up to the top again and took some pics. Very windy but beautiful! We rested then went to our last supper. I was sad that it was the last night. The wine we finished was better that night than before. I got my pic with my handsome Serbian waiter. We went to the X-treme Country show and then to a Midnight R rated comedy show. Had a ball but didn't get to sleep til 2. 5:30am came way to early.
Monday morning was a mess. EVERYONE it seemed wanted off on the early time. It took forever to get off the ship. We were releaved after customs cleared us and we went to our car.
I'm sure there is much more I can say but right now this is what I got!!
See ya

2006-08-14T13:14:00.000-05:00

This is my first post! Yay! I have LJ, Myspace and Vox but I thought who can have too many blogs...not me. LOL. MySpace has more about me if you want to know. Just click the link to my home page.

I am going on a cruise Thursday and am so excited.

I should get back to work.

Out