There comes a day in everyone's life where you feel like your world stops spinning. I thought that was four years ago when my dad told me he had cancer. I would gladly take that feeling back. April 2003 we found out he had prostate cancer. Things just went downhill that year. We found out how bad it was then he has a heart attack.

Good Friday. What is good about it? Jesus died for all of us. He gave himself so we wouldn't have to suffer. Suffering...Father Jeff Perot talked about that Tuesday. I had no idea what that word would come to mean three days later. Jesus died so we could live. Live on with him in Heaven. He felt so alone up on the cross in the end. He felt like his father had abandonded him. I am trying my hardest not to feel that way.

My dad went to the doctor on Thursday and she was concerned because he'd lost 30-40 pounds since October, he looked pale and hurt so much. He had a bone scan Friday.

He called afterward and said he was going to his parents' I knew something was up but I had no idea what it was. He came home and told me that found spots on his scan. Spots. Spots. A simple word but it tore me apart. I have cried everyday because of it. I don't know how to feel or what to do. My dad could be here a few months or a few years but not long enough.

I want my dad to walk me down the aisle when I ever get married. I can't imagine him not being there. Anyone that knows me knows that he's raised me alone all my life. My mother never cared to be there for me and he took both roles and loved me more than any other dad could. I haven't even forgiven my mother for leaving me, for not loving me. I don't know how to not be angry with God for taking my father too.

I'm twenty-six. My biggest fear has always been that I'd loose my dad early in life and it would affect me like it did my mother. I'm sure that if my Grandfather had been around now she'd be different and he's something great to me. He died when I was 1 1/2. My future children most likley won't know their grandpa. Why is this way? Why?

I was always under the belief that God won't give you more than you can handle but I just don't know if I belive that. I've gotten so close to a nervous breakdown latley and then this. If he's gone I have no one. No one that knows my deep dark secrets and loves me spite them. No one that leads me. No that tells me that prayer helps even when he's not sure.

I'm scared to loose my leader. My father, my best friend. I am fighting so bad to not be angry with God. I want to hate him. I want to scream out. I don't know how long I can fight this.

I'm going to try to sleep. I haven't slept since. Well atleast not much.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
8am!


2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds. I have my engagement ring picked out...just need the man to buy it.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
The Nativity when I went with church

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Daytime- ABC Soaps, Nightime-Criminal Minds

5. What did you have for breakfast?
Nothing

6. What is your middle name?
Brooke (hehe)

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Seafood

8. What foods do you dislike?
Green stuff that smells (broccolli)

9. What are your favorite chips?
Funyuns

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
lily allen

11. What kind of car do you drive?
Neissan Sentra

12. Favorite sandwich?
Ham and cheese

13. What are characteristics you can’t stand?
lying

14. What are your favorite clothes?
jeans, t-shirt and flip flops

15. If you could go anywhere on vacation where would you go?
Prague

Where is sixteen?

17. Where would you want to retire?
Prague

18. Favorite time of day?
midnight

19. Where were you born?
M-Dub, Texas

20. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Basketball

21. Coke or Pepsi?
Dr Pepper

22. Beavers or ducks?
Ducks

23. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Night Owl

24. Pedicure or manicure?
Pedicure

25. What did you want to be when you were little?
Teacher

26. What is your best childhood memory?
Any with my daddy

27. Ever been to Africa?
I'd like to

28. Ever been toilet papering?
Yes yes yes

29. Been in a car accident?
Yes

30. Favorite day of the week?
Thursdays

31. Favorite restaurant?
Anywhere that has tacos lol

32. Favorite flower?
Daisies

33. Favorite ice-cream?
Chocolate

34. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Taco Casa

35. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?
None

36. From whom did you get your last e-mail?
A list

37. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Target

38. Last person you went to dinner with?
dad

39. What are you listening to right now?
Cold Case

40. What is your favorite color?
Pink

41. How many tattoos do you have?
none

42. How many are you sending this Email to?
my blog..

43. What time did you finish this e-mail blog entry?
11pm

44. Favorite magazine:
Cosmo

45. Coffee or tea?
Tea

46. Do you tan easily or burn easily?
Burn...with this fair skin!!

47. Do you color your hair? If so, how often?
Yes Dark Brown

48. What was the first car you ever purchased without the help of your parents?
None really...

49. What is your most dreaded household chore?
cleaning anything

50 Who do you tag to complete this meme?
Anyone