Everyday that I wake up I am tormented with greatfulness as well as hatred for God. It seems extreme but I'm mad that I'm alive but happy because it's one more day I'm with my dad. Monday afternoon my right hand felt numb so I stopped typing and rested. It went mostly away. The same night we played cards at the church. While playing the numbness started going again in my hand. It slowly crept up to my elbow then to my shoulder. Then I got shooting pains through my arm. I was miserable but sat through it. Then it started in my knee and went to my foot. The same side. I was a bit scared. I took some Ibuprofen but it didn't do any good.
We called my aunt that's a nurse and she said it sounded like I was hyperventalating. That is was stress. My dad has said that's what he thought it was. I took my Xanax and tried to sleep. I feel asleep at about 10:30pm and sleep pretty soundly.
Tuesday I woke up and I felt better but it was 5am! I couldn't go back to sleep. I stayed up and did some stuff and then my puppy and I fell asleep and took a nap. I went to lunch with my dad and the pains and numbness came back. So when I left I called my PCP's office and explained everything. They called back later that afternoon and he said, "It's nothing to worry about." Okay yeah that's easy for him to say. He's not miserable.
Today I felt better. I got up about 10am. I went to lunch with my dad. I chilled at the house then we got our photos taken for the church pictorial. We went to eat at CB and then went to BB to get a mouse but they were out. All day today I've felt good.

Last night I researched my symptoms. I came up with:

Acute Stress Disorder
The Symptoms are nervousness*, instability*, tachacardia (high pulse rate)*, hypertension (high blood pressure)*, parathesias (numbness)*, diaphoresis (sweating)*, flushing*, and headaches*.

The * mean I have those symptoms.

So I guess I should be happy I can see what is wrong. But what do I do? You can't erase stress from your life can you? If you can, how?

Then I read along about how you can be misdiagnosed as ASD.

With these symptoms too:
imparment or expression of persception*
reality and/or by significant social or occupational disfunction*
chronic problems with behavior and emotion*
disulisions*
auditory halluncinations*
hallucinations*

Behavioral Symptoms
loners*
personal suffering*

Emotional Symptioms
odd behavior*
difficulty to concentration*
inapproprate behavior*
agression*
violent behavior

Cognigive Symptoms
disorginized thinking*
tormented thinking*

social withdrawal*
poor personal hygine*
loss of motivation*

It sounded like I found what was wrong but when I saw what it was called I wasn't happy. I'm sure I'm over reaching but what if I'm not. My PCP doesn't listen and I haven't any money to go anywhere else. I am scared and unsure. I don't want to have Schitzophrenia.

Things seem to being going down fast. I still haven't gotten a job though I'm not looking hard. Money is tight and hard to come by. I had about 600 in bills myself and my dad is trying to pay them alone. My iPod I put on ebay was bought by someone who cheated me and ebay is taking thier slow ass time fixing it. It all sucks. Tomorrow I'm going to start cleaning more. My back aches as usual but it's not getting any better and now that cramps are setting in it's going to be worse. I'm depressed, anxious and manic. I haven't felt this bad in a while but I haven't gone this long with out meds. I just keep forgettting. Either on accident or purpose. I plan to start back when I get home tonight and see how it works. Tomorrow I clean. Then I go coach basketball, then I go to the Palo Pinto Senior Contest my Grandmother is in. MY uncle is escorting her. He'll be in his dress blues. I don't think I've ever seen him dressed up in my life.