Last night, I slept: in my very own bed
2006 will be: here before I know it.
My Grandma was born: almost 80 years ago
I could eat ___ everyday: tacos from Jack In The Box
I won't marry: a short guy
If I had to move out of state, I'd go: I wouldn't but I might go to Michigan or England
I wish I hadn't: stopped school
My dad is: a pain in my butt
I hate the name: Ruth
I can currently: sit here

:: This OR That ::
-Florida or California: Cali
-Math or English: Math
-French or Spanish: Spanish
-Ocean or lake: lake
-Mexican or Chinese: Mexican
-Green or pink: pink
-Sharks or dolphins: dolphins.
-The '50s or '60s: 60's
-Tall or Short? i am short but i like tall

*.*.* Random Q's *.*.*



1. How tall is your best friend? like 5'10"
2. Can you speak another language? spanish
3. What was the name of your first crush? john b.
4. Did this person ever say they loved you? no i was like in kindergarden
5. What continent do you most want to see? Asia
6. Name two of the most handsome men, or beautiful women ever? Vin Diesel and Jacob Young
7. What's one song you've listened to today? O Come All Ye Faithful
8. Have you ever played a team sport? basketball and tennis
9. Who was your class Homecoming Queen? jill
10. What's your ideal height for the opposite sex? 5'10" or more
11. Do you know anything about your heritage? so much my dad has researched all the way back before we came to america
12. Have you ever played golf? no no no
13. What year did your mom graduate from high school? 1999
14. Would you like to change your body/looks? of course..everyone would
15. Would you name your children after someone? My dad, me/my grandmother

So...if you got this far and you want to play, let me know so I can read yours!!

You Are: 60% Dog, 40% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog.You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful.And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.

Are'>http://www.blogthings.com/areyoumorecatordogquiz/">Are You More Cat or Dog?

Sue tagged for a meme and I thought I'd do it.

Six Crazy Things About Me!!

1. I don't like a disorganized silverwear drawer. I can't sleep if I know it's that way.

2. I can't stand the sound when someone scratches something. Anything like the table, thier clothes...anything. It drives me nuts.

3. I won't eat onions if I can see them. I like the taste but I hate the texture.

4. At one point My sister was my cousin by law but half sister biologically.

5. My dad and I each call each other jackass....and that's a nice thing to say.

6. I only eat tick tacks in even numbers. Not more than 6 at once.

Tag you all..

I just got back from seeing The Nativity and it makes me think a lot about why we celebrate Christmas.....Tell me why YOU celebrate Christmas....

Everyday that I wake up I am tormented with greatfulness as well as hatred for God. It seems extreme but I'm mad that I'm alive but happy because it's one more day I'm with my dad. Monday afternoon my right hand felt numb so I stopped typing and rested. It went mostly away. The same night we played cards at the church. While playing the numbness started going again in my hand. It slowly crept up to my elbow then to my shoulder. Then I got shooting pains through my arm. I was miserable but sat through it. Then it started in my knee and went to my foot. The same side. I was a bit scared. I took some Ibuprofen but it didn't do any good.
We called my aunt that's a nurse and she said it sounded like I was hyperventalating. That is was stress. My dad has said that's what he thought it was. I took my Xanax and tried to sleep. I feel asleep at about 10:30pm and sleep pretty soundly.
Tuesday I woke up and I felt better but it was 5am! I couldn't go back to sleep. I stayed up and did some stuff and then my puppy and I fell asleep and took a nap. I went to lunch with my dad and the pains and numbness came back. So when I left I called my PCP's office and explained everything. They called back later that afternoon and he said, "It's nothing to worry about." Okay yeah that's easy for him to say. He's not miserable.
Today I felt better. I got up about 10am. I went to lunch with my dad. I chilled at the house then we got our photos taken for the church pictorial. We went to eat at CB and then went to BB to get a mouse but they were out. All day today I've felt good.

Last night I researched my symptoms. I came up with:

Acute Stress Disorder
The Symptoms are nervousness*, instability*, tachacardia (high pulse rate)*, hypertension (high blood pressure)*, parathesias (numbness)*, diaphoresis (sweating)*, flushing*, and headaches*.

The * mean I have those symptoms.

So I guess I should be happy I can see what is wrong. But what do I do? You can't erase stress from your life can you? If you can, how?

Then I read along about how you can be misdiagnosed as ASD.

With these symptoms too:
imparment or expression of persception*
reality and/or by significant social or occupational disfunction*
chronic problems with behavior and emotion*
disulisions*
auditory halluncinations*
hallucinations*

Behavioral Symptoms
loners*
personal suffering*

Emotional Symptioms
odd behavior*
difficulty to concentration*
inapproprate behavior*
agression*
violent behavior

Cognigive Symptoms
disorginized thinking*
tormented thinking*

social withdrawal*
poor personal hygine*
loss of motivation*

It sounded like I found what was wrong but when I saw what it was called I wasn't happy. I'm sure I'm over reaching but what if I'm not. My PCP doesn't listen and I haven't any money to go anywhere else. I am scared and unsure. I don't want to have Schitzophrenia.

Things seem to being going down fast. I still haven't gotten a job though I'm not looking hard. Money is tight and hard to come by. I had about 600 in bills myself and my dad is trying to pay them alone. My iPod I put on ebay was bought by someone who cheated me and ebay is taking thier slow ass time fixing it. It all sucks. Tomorrow I'm going to start cleaning more. My back aches as usual but it's not getting any better and now that cramps are setting in it's going to be worse. I'm depressed, anxious and manic. I haven't felt this bad in a while but I haven't gone this long with out meds. I just keep forgettting. Either on accident or purpose. I plan to start back when I get home tonight and see how it works. Tomorrow I clean. Then I go coach basketball, then I go to the Palo Pinto Senior Contest my Grandmother is in. MY uncle is escorting her. He'll be in his dress blues. I don't think I've ever seen him dressed up in my life.

I'm sitting here watching Friends as my dad's dog watches me type. So much is going through my head right now. The main thing is getting my dad home. My mind won't stop so when I actually can sleep I sleep too much. I don't know what to do for either of us. He's got a doctor's appointment on Thursday so I'm hoping that we'll find out something. I can't write anymore...I don't know why. I'll post more later.

Hey guys my dad is 'feeling' somewhat better. The CT showed a fracture in the hip but we aren't sure to what degree because the fracture went off of the film. They should be moving him to ft worth tomorrow under his oncologist (cancer doctor) care. I will go see him tomorrow night and see how he is. I though see him in the morning and at lunch provided he is till here. They will do a bone scan, MRI and hopefully get PT started to get him walking again. He hates depending on people though that is the way we all get unless we die young. I always thought I'd have the "Live fast, Dye young, leave a good looking courpse" mentality and thank God I've got that out. That is all due to him. Even though I know where I'm going when I die I still am not in any hurry to leave the people I love. When the time is right the time is right and it's not.

Things aren't too much different. I finally broke down. I am just so pissed he has to be in this much pain and I can't do anything. He is going to get the MRI sometime Tuesday. The Doc thinks its a disk thing. We will see. He gave him some stronger med that is helping him sleep. He never asks for pain meds so you know he really hurts.

At lunch I bearly had time to eat my sandwich. I was so exhaused after work I went to sleep after taking out the dogs. I didn't wake up til 8pm! I was supposed to go see my uncle that was in from Tyler at my grandmothers. I went and got food for my dad and then went out there til 11pm. I went to Whataburger and got more food and since then I've been watching some tv and listening to music while surfing.

I'm laying here in bed trying to collect my thoughts. SO much going on. I just don't know what to do. Everything seemed to come down at once in the last two weeks. I haven't gone to see my sister. I think I'm just afraid to be with her. I love her like so much but she pisses me off. When and if or whenever she gets out I'll be there for her for emotional support but I'm not given her any more money. I've bought her things and gave her money. Yes I did some...bad things with her but I didn't go too far to me. I had a problem that was my problem. I had to push people out of my life. People that I miss. If I hadn't I wouldn't have gotten through it. Guy tried to "Help" But he just wanted to help me continue it. I felt better though but there have been repercusions. Money and mind wise. I just hope and pray she can find the strength that I have. She's a Christian so she knows deep down God is with her.

As for my dad. He's getting worse. A lot worse. His PCP gave him Vicodan. It doesn't really help. It really just makes you not care. He takes 6oomg of Ibuprofen three times a day and Vicodan 5/500 every 6 hours and a couple of Flexeril as needed. Nothing is really helping. We have decided to go to the ER. But not in town. Somewere in FTW. I will be looking in my books at work to see which DRS work at which hospital and which ones are on his insurance. When I get off of work I'll take care of the animals then we'll grab some food and hit the road. Please be thinking of us. We are going to ask his PCP what he thinks but between us and our family it's all in agreement that it's the best thing. Escpecially when tomorrow is his last paid vacation day. If he misses anymore he'll be docked pay. I DO NOT get paid enough to live off of. But after we get things figured out I will probaly try to find a part time job. I don't know where I can work with the small hours I can. I have to work from 7:30am to sometimes 6pm at the office and I have to get some sleep. Some of my church obligations may have to be put off because my dad is number one. I can pray and read the bible at home but I must make sure my father is taken care of. If anyone reads this and lives in my town. If you know of a good part time job please let me know. I have a load of different skills.

Well I'm going to watch Criminal Minds and chill.

Nite Nite All

Nothing new really. Dad is feeling better today. I think it's just because he didn't walk today. I took my BP after work today 139/83 and pulse 93. It's a bit better but I'm trying to destress but I have no idea how. I know one way but I need some help....any takers??

Where do I begin? I guess I will start with Sunday night. Usually on Sunday night I chill and watch some eppys of WAT and CC. I did that but until almost 4am! It sucked. On Monday I went to work feeling pretty yucky. I had had chest pains the day before but it's usually anxiety. My dad was in bed all day. His hip/leg was hurting so bad over the weekend he didn't teach SS at chuch with me. Which is a big thing for him. He went to the doctor and they sent him over for x-rays. My Grandpa (his dad) had taken him but had to be home to get ready for church. My office is right by the hospital so I picked my dad up. We went to the Methodist church so I could give blood. Not because it was 9/11 but because I do all the time. Well after sitting in a hellava long line they said I couldn't give because my Pulse was 116. I just thought I was nervous. I was upset. I went to Keno and won a cup set and an anklet. I went to walmart to get something and get cash so I checked my BP the first time it was 143/93 and Pulse 120! I sat on a bench and chilled. 15 mins later it was 139/89 Pulse 116. I went home and took a Tylenol PM and went to bed. I was asleep before 10:30!! yay!! Today I had our nurse check me and it was 130/60 and Pulse 91. That's better. Went through busy day at work. Dad was at home again today. When I went out to get Advil and dinner I checked again 139/85 and Pulse 115. I am way too stressed. I think I'm going to take a Xanax in the Am and one when I get home. Maybe that will calm me down. I have too much going on to get my heart worked up.

My brother-in-law who was in jail hanged himself about 10 days ago. I had so many issues with him because my sister was going down quickly. She is jail now and did get to attend the funeral. Even though they had thier problems she was destroyed. I couldn't look her in the eye more than a couple of times because ever since we were little when our eyes met we could feel what they other felt. I couldn't bear to feel her pain especially when I couldn't help her. She's in trouble and I can't help. I pray everyday but that's all I can do anymore. They played a song at his funeral that touched me. I think of a lot of people when I hear it now.

Kenny Chesney -Who You'd Be Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
See your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe your gone

(Chorus:)It ain't fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Would you see the world
Would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Someday's the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

It ain't fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Today

Today

Today

Today

Today

Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know, I'll see you again someday

Someday, someday

Hey guys I need some help. I'm going to walk in the American Heart Association walk in Fort Worth but I need dontions. Read the message below and give anything you can. Even a dollar would help.

Hello,

hEveryone knows someone affected by heart disease or stroke. For those I love, I will be walking in this year’s Heart Walk. I have set a personal goal to raise funds for the American Heart Association and need your help to reach my donation goal. We are raising critical dollars for heart disease and stroke research and education. You can help me reach my goal by making a donation online. Click on the link below and you will be taken to my personal donation page where you can make a secure online credit card donation. The American Heart Association's online fundraising website has a minimum donation amount of $25.00. If you prefer to donate less, you can do so by sending a check directly to me.Your donation will help fight our nation’s No. 1 and No. 3 killers—heart disease and stroke. You are making a difference. Thank you for your support.

Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support TXA - Fort Worth, TX

A vaction can be many things. For me it was a time to just get away from work and my town. I did that but not much else. We left Early Last thursday morning for Galveston. I drive the first twenty minutes and slept the rest of the way. We got there way early so I went and found a Starbucks. I got a frozen hot chocolate and went walking looking for an ATM to get cash to park. I found a Bank of America instead, it is a lot cheaper because my bank and the ATM both charge me fees. We went and dropped off our big luggage and then parked the car. We by the way is me and my wonderful father who funded this trip. We went to one line after another to board. When we had to go over from the terminal to the ship it was like WAY high up and you could see down. I really hated that. Finally we got on. We found our room and it was small but nice though. They had four different kinds of toothpastes, razors for man and woman, lotion that was for regular with a little self tanning (that is dangerous lol) and always clean towels. They made the towels each night into a different animal. It was so cute to walk in after dinner and see that.
We both took a nap. My dad was exhausted from driving and I was exhausted from telling him what to do. We got changed for dinner in the nice Wind Song dinning room. No tank tops or shorts! But I wore my flip flops. We were seated and I got to have the best looking waiter in the place. We had filet mingon for dinner. I cannot remember what else but that was so good. We went to bed very early that night.
Friday was pretty boring in a way. I wondered the ship alone looking for things and seeing what was going on. We up all the way to the top, got a little scared and went back down. The best thing about the trip was always at night when the ship rocked you to sleep.
Also most everyday I forgot to take my allergy pill but never did have a problem until Monday morning when I woke up and we were docked back in Texas.
Friday night was the captian's dinner (BTW we didn't see the captian til Sunday LOL). We both dressed up. My dad said I looked nice, I said BLAHHH, I had to wear pantyhose. I hate pantyhose.Very good dinner again.
Satuday night we were in Cozumel. We ate lunch in the main dinning hall and it was very good. We went out and went shopping. I only bought a few things nothing really caught my eye. We dropped the stuff off on the ship and went and got on a boat that drove us out (I was nauseous the whole time) to a submaire (nauseous again). We went 100+ ft below sea level. We saw the bottom of the sea and the 3,000 ft drop! It was cool but I was almost miserable. We got some good pics mosly. Saw a shark but it ran before we could take it's pic. I don't blame it, I hate getting my picture taken. When we were riding back it began raining!!! When got soaked on the way to the ship. We rested then got ready for dinner. This night we got a bottle of wine. It was okay but not great. We went to see a comedy show that night and went to bed late.
Sunday morning (Lastday!) I got up right before lunch and was grouchy. We went to lunch and then I shopped again. My dad a meeting that evening so I went up to the top again and took some pics. Very windy but beautiful! We rested then went to our last supper. I was sad that it was the last night. The wine we finished was better that night than before. I got my pic with my handsome Serbian waiter. We went to the X-treme Country show and then to a Midnight R rated comedy show. Had a ball but didn't get to sleep til 2. 5:30am came way to early.
Monday morning was a mess. EVERYONE it seemed wanted off on the early time. It took forever to get off the ship. We were releaved after customs cleared us and we went to our car.
I'm sure there is much more I can say but right now this is what I got!!
See ya

This is my first post! Yay! I have LJ, Myspace and Vox but I thought who can have too many blogs...not me. LOL. MySpace has more about me if you want to know. Just click the link to my home page.

I am going on a cruise Thursday and am so excited.

I should get back to work.

Out