Check this page out and please let me know what you think. One comment from me....I didn't know that the debate was over...

There's a lot on my mind but I'm exhausted so I don't know how much will be here LOL

NAACP things that the NFL shouldn't ban Michael Vick. Are they stupid? He doesn't deserve to be paid millions after killing dogs. He can try to get a job somewhere else. They should be looking at what it looks like for 'their' people.

50 Cent Says he'll retire if Kayne West sells more records Sept 11 when they both come out with their new albums. Well...buy 50 Cent's!!! Kanye's new single SUCKS!! It's so annoying. And I just like Fiddy!

I see that it's almost six am. I'm not a morning person. I like my sleep as much as I can get it. Yes I AM one of those people that will sleep their life away because it feels good. I'm up because my teeth/gums/jaw hurts. I borrowed something that is finally helping. So I've taken 2 arthris tylenol, 3 ibubrofen, and 2 of the borrowed stuff. Finally it's working. I want to sleep. IF I go to sleep now I can get an hour and a half. I've got to take my dad to his regular doctor and then to chemo. I'm going to ask about antidepressants for my dad. Maybe I can slip me in. We'll see.

Never ever have the thought 'It can't get any worse' cause trust me it so can. Things just seem to get worse and worse here. Today I had to go home from work because I was so sick. It was just stress. I rested and I feel better but not good. I can't sleep or eat too much. Today my appitite came back for a little bit but I'm to the point if it's trouble I don't want to do it. I feel so crappy for somethings I think. Like earlier I was on the potty and my dad was yelling for me. I kept saying to wait but he couldn't hear me. I hurried up and went to him. I told him how sad it is that even on the pot I can't get peace. I didn't mean it bad but it WAS ironic.

Everynight is the same thing. I'm either home or I get off work and bring him milk, his insulin, undies, diaper, socks, shirt and pants. Every night. I have to make sure he has meds. Check any to see if I need to call them in. It's routine. He can't go anywhere overnight alone. He knows that. What I hate is that Brooke and Daddy time has suffered. I'm closer to my dad that most kids and I value that. I told him tonight that tomorrow night before bed we are watching a movie or show together. Just to chill.

Cross Posted to canceraffects.blogspot.com

Mother's Day has passed. My bestfriend was her that weekend and it made things better. I generally hate mother's day. Maybe that will change when I am one. My mother hasn't ever cared for me and I guess I really hate her for that. I know I know I shouldn't hate but you have no idea what she has done to me. I was listening to Kellie Pickler (yes I know) and her new single 'I Wonder' makes me cry. This set really hits home


I think about how it ain’t fair that you weren’t there to braid my hair like mothers do
You weren’t around to cheer me on
Help me dress for my high school prom like mother’s do
Did you think I didn’t need you here to hold my hand, to dry my

There were a couple of things she was there for. I'll give her that. Even graduation. I had six tickets and gave her three. She and my two cousins came. But the whole time I was up there I was watching my dad. He cried. She didn't. In my year book I said 'This is for you Dad' Not mom. She didn't help me. She just wanted to be there in the happy moments.

I remember her taking me to her high school reuion (she didn't graduate so I was like huh?) Anyway. It was her twentieth. I was sixteen. She was parading me around in OUR hometown. She introduced me as her daughter Brooke (No last name) and they were like aren't you Wynne's daughter. I about died laughing. I was like yeah. They started asking about him and asked if one of his brothers was there and on and on. It so pissed her off. People here KNOW my dad raised me. They know he did it alone. She wanted to pretend she did. She even told peole she helped us when we needed it. She never did. She promised shoes many times for school. It got to the point my dad stopped asking. Why? She wasn't going to buy them why ask. She'd rather blow her money on...blow or pot than me.

I can't wait for father's day. I have my dad another year thank GOD and I get to celebrate him!!

You Are 49% Pure

You're not so innocent... in fact, you're quite unpure.You have seen and experienced a lot. And you're no worse for the wear!

http://www.blogthings.com/the100questionpuritytest/"> The 100 Question Purity Test

There comes a day in everyone's life where you feel like your world stops spinning. I thought that was four years ago when my dad told me he had cancer. I would gladly take that feeling back. April 2003 we found out he had prostate cancer. Things just went downhill that year. We found out how bad it was then he has a heart attack.

Good Friday. What is good about it? Jesus died for all of us. He gave himself so we wouldn't have to suffer. Suffering...Father Jeff Perot talked about that Tuesday. I had no idea what that word would come to mean three days later. Jesus died so we could live. Live on with him in Heaven. He felt so alone up on the cross in the end. He felt like his father had abandonded him. I am trying my hardest not to feel that way.

My dad went to the doctor on Thursday and she was concerned because he'd lost 30-40 pounds since October, he looked pale and hurt so much. He had a bone scan Friday.

He called afterward and said he was going to his parents' I knew something was up but I had no idea what it was. He came home and told me that found spots on his scan. Spots. Spots. A simple word but it tore me apart. I have cried everyday because of it. I don't know how to feel or what to do. My dad could be here a few months or a few years but not long enough.

I want my dad to walk me down the aisle when I ever get married. I can't imagine him not being there. Anyone that knows me knows that he's raised me alone all my life. My mother never cared to be there for me and he took both roles and loved me more than any other dad could. I haven't even forgiven my mother for leaving me, for not loving me. I don't know how to not be angry with God for taking my father too.

I'm twenty-six. My biggest fear has always been that I'd loose my dad early in life and it would affect me like it did my mother. I'm sure that if my Grandfather had been around now she'd be different and he's something great to me. He died when I was 1 1/2. My future children most likley won't know their grandpa. Why is this way? Why?

I was always under the belief that God won't give you more than you can handle but I just don't know if I belive that. I've gotten so close to a nervous breakdown latley and then this. If he's gone I have no one. No one that knows my deep dark secrets and loves me spite them. No one that leads me. No that tells me that prayer helps even when he's not sure.

I'm scared to loose my leader. My father, my best friend. I am fighting so bad to not be angry with God. I want to hate him. I want to scream out. I don't know how long I can fight this.

I'm going to try to sleep. I haven't slept since. Well atleast not much.